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Funny New Year Resolutions of a Cat
Jan 1, 2011 8:36 AM
1. I will not scratch the children of lawyers, no matter how much they chase me or how hard they pull my tail.
2. I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.
3. Need new scratching post, convince owner to buy new couch.
4. I will not leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
5. I will not back up off the front porch and fall into the bushes just as my human is explaining to his girlfriend how graceful I am.
6. I will not complain that my bottom is wet and that I am thirsty after sitting in my water bowl.
7. Catch and release mice and birds in household to show my love on a daily basis.
8. I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.
9. I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
10. Torture the dogs more by casually walking past them but jumping out of reach at the last moment.
11. I'll always remember that If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
12. When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.
13. I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
14. Any critter that lives in the house (hamsters), stay in the house and any wild critters (frogs and earthworms) stay outside. I am not allowed to set the hamster free in exchange for finding a frog to put in the fish tank.
15. I will learn to relax at the vet's office so they will start writing things in my records like "Good Kitty" and "Sweet Kitty" instead of the stuff that's there now like "MEAN!!" "BITER!!!" and "GET HELP!!!!!"
16. Turn up nose with disdain at cat food encouraging owners to buy better and yes, more expensive food.
17. Try to stay away from fish tank and bird cages. At least do not lick lips and make small hunting noises while owners are around.
2. I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.
3. Need new scratching post, convince owner to buy new couch.
4. I will not leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
5. I will not back up off the front porch and fall into the bushes just as my human is explaining to his girlfriend how graceful I am.
6. I will not complain that my bottom is wet and that I am thirsty after sitting in my water bowl.
7. Catch and release mice and birds in household to show my love on a daily basis.
8. I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.
9. I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
10. Torture the dogs more by casually walking past them but jumping out of reach at the last moment.
11. I'll always remember that If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
12. When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.
13. I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
14. Any critter that lives in the house (hamsters), stay in the house and any wild critters (frogs and earthworms) stay outside. I am not allowed to set the hamster free in exchange for finding a frog to put in the fish tank.
15. I will learn to relax at the vet's office so they will start writing things in my records like "Good Kitty" and "Sweet Kitty" instead of the stuff that's there now like "MEAN!!" "BITER!!!" and "GET HELP!!!!!"
16. Turn up nose with disdain at cat food encouraging owners to buy better and yes, more expensive food.
17. Try to stay away from fish tank and bird cages. At least do not lick lips and make small hunting noises while owners are around.
Say: HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011
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